Spoiler alert - it’s not all about the orgasm…

I recently had a friend who attended a tantra workshop. I had heard of tantric sex, but soon found that I understood very little about it when I started to ask a few questions. Instead of the seven hour sex sessions I thought tantra entailed, my interest was piqued as she said that the workshop had taught her how to be more in touch with herself and how she experienced pleasure. I soon learnt that tantra workshops aren’t just for couples, or even just ‘adventurous’ types, and that a lot of the time clothes remain on throughout. It is something that can be practiced as a couple, but can also be brought into your own rituals of self love, forging a deeper and more rewarding connection. I decided that I had to find out more for myself and here I’d like to share some tips on beginning your tantra journey, just like I did. You don't need to attend a workshop to start feeling the benefits of this practice, although a tantra weekend is definitely on my wish list now!

Tantra derives from the ancient Sanskrit word ‘web’ or to ‘weave energy’. When you learn and practice tantra you become more tuned into your body and how it experiences pleasure. It also takes the pressure away from performing as there is no end goal, the intention is to explore slowly and put more emphasis on simply bringing pleasure. It isn’t about getting to orgasm as quickly as possible, in fact it isn’t about orgasms at all, but with practice you will find that you experience greater pleasure and most likely more intense orgasms as a result of the deeper connection to yourself and your partner.

Some tips for first time tantra

Firstly you need to set the scene. This doesn't necessarily need to be in the bedroom, but you need to be comfortable. Make things a beautiful for yourself, tidy up, dim the lights, add scented candles or incense, wear a beautiful silky dressing gown. The aim is to make the experience feel special and bring a sense of the divine to your space.

Next, for couples, try eye gazing, sometimes called soul gazing. Sit on a pillow or chair facing your partner, take a few long and slow deep breaths and make eye contact. Traditionally each person gazes into their partner’s left eye, but you can look into both if it is more comfortable. This can be intense but so rewarding. Think about your feelings of love for them and simply appreciate the beauty of their eyes and the moments that you are sharing together. For solo explorers take some time to breathe and relax into your space before moving onto the next step.

Now it’s time for touch, not sexual touch, but massage. What sort of massage is up to you, perhaps you would like to exchange foot rubs to start, or begin with softly caressing your partner’s body from head to toe. If you are alone explore yourself with your hands, paying close attention to what feels good, or treat yourself to some self massage. A big part of tantra is worship, so make sure that you are looking for ways to make yourself or your partner feel relaxed and blissful. Take as long as you want, remember there should be no rush here, just a focus on pleasure and exploration.

After this you can let the session take you where it feels best to go - these are just ways to dip your toe into what tantra means and to feel the benefits of connection and slowing down. I will be sharing more tips and ideas as I continue my own journey of discovery so keep an eye on the blog for that. If you'd like some more inspiration you can also see how slowing things down for one couple led to explosively great sex at JoyBear in Pleasure Fix - Tantric Fuck.

Stay safe. Have fun. Issy x