May is Masturbation Month so if you aren’t already prioritising your own pleasure, you should be…

We’ve all felt that feeling, pent up, a little frustrated, aching for release. Hopefully you’ve all experienced the beautiful waves of climax as you bring yourself to orgasm! For most women, climaxing isn’t the easiest thing to do, although I do know a couple of lucky girls who find it easy to get themselves there, alone or with a partner. They are, at the moment, the minority. However I hope that as the taboo of speaking about women’s pleasure continues to disappear and more and more women learn their bodies better, they will be able to orgasm more often and with ease. I know from experience that pleasure can be learned, and showing love and attention to yourself that can lead to a shuddering orgasm is one of the best forms of self love that I know. And self love is some of the most important love you can ever have.

According to the Kinsey Institute only 40-60% of people who identify as women masturbate, compared to 95-99% of their male counterparts. Even in 2020, masturbation for girls is still such a stigmatised topic, whereas for men it is expected and encouraged. Masturbation is even considered something that ‘good girls’ don’t do, adding to the taboo and lack of knowledge. Pleasure is the birthright of all humans, and we need to open up the conversation of self pleasure for women and remove any sort of misplaced ‘shame’ from what is a natural and healthy activity. Dr Sherry A Ross, an LA-based gynaecologist says that during her 25 years of private practice she has met a number of women in their 30s, 40s and 50s who have never had an orgasm. She believes 10-20% of women have never experienced one. There’s even a name for the fact that women climax less often than men - the orgasm gap.

Women’s pleasure is definitely something that is being increasingly focussed on, through studies, online resources, porn that prioritises women’s pleasure (hello JoyBear) and the ever growing array of erotic toys available. It is easier than ever before for women to learn about what brings them pleasure and practice it. Let’s do our part to close up that orgasm gap! It’s possible to experience climax every time you go solo or with a partner. I know for many women reaching orgasm is not about a ‘magic move’ that will work every time, they also need to be mentally turned on too, so it can be a challenge of trying to spin several plates at once. It can feel difficult, however like any activity practice makes progress.

In this series I am going to explore different ways of finding your own bliss and exploring personal pleasure. I too am on my own journey of self love and am excited to share my findings with you. Male readers, I am sure there will be lots of useful tips that you can take away for your own use or with a partner.

So let’s start with the different types of orgasm that women can experience. I for one didn’t know about any different types until I quite unexpectedly experienced a vaginal orgasm with a partner, when previously I had only had clitoral orgasms. A very pleasant surprise. There are clitoral, vaginal, anal, combination and even erogenous zone orgasms. Yes, that’s right, there is such a thing as a ‘breastgasm'. There are even orgasms that you have have through kissing, or just thoughts, and some women orgasm in their sleep.

So how can we explore the different types of orgasm? Firstly, set the scene. You need to be comfortable and know that you won’t be disturbed. Get yourself in the mood for pleasure, a hot bath or shower, some self massage, listen to a sensual playlist, dim your lights and focus on yourself. Reading or watching erotica is a fantastic way to get your mind and body into the right zone. Slowly explore your body, you shouldn’t be rushed or too focussed on an end goal of orgasm as too much pressure can make it harder, as I am sure some of you know. Focus on pleasure and what feels good. There is no ‘right’ way as we are all different, but inspiration from what works for others can be very helpful.

The clitoral orgasm - the first sort of orgasm most women will experience. Try one of the four motions that women enjoy on their clitoris - up and down, circular, side to side and rapid pulsating. See what feels best for you, and don’t be afraid to use some lube if you need it. Try combinations of movements, touching your breasts, or even set up a mirror so you can watch yourself. This is all about exploration and learning what turns you on. Many women find that thinking of a fantasy or a scene that turns them on can heighten the pleasure, making the experience not just physical, but mental as well. Try a vibrator, if you don’t already have one you can have a lot of fun looking online and reading reviews to find a toy that will turn you on. Every woman should own at least one…

Look out for the next instalment where I will explore different types of orgasm and share more tips for your self pleasure sessions. JoyBear has a beautiful library of erotic films that focus on female pleasure featuring amazing performers and real orgasms that I have no doubt will inspire you on your orgasmic journey.

Stay safe. Have fun. Issy x