How to build sexual confidence

Our latest feature, Slut*ish got me thinking about sexual confidence. The film beautifully shows women being supremely confident in the bedroom, not being afraid or ashamed to ask for what they want, taking pleasure as their birthright. In our first episode Bea (Julia de Lucia) finds herself a hot guy on her way home and they treat themselves to a steamy romp by the pool and in the kitchen. Although this is probably the stuff of fantasies for most people, it really made me think about my own sexual confidence. Anyone who has struggled with body image or come out of a break up feeling less than 100% can probably relate to the feeling of not feeling confident in the bedroom, especially with a new partner.

So what does this confidence look like and how can we build it? Because I believe that feeling confident sexually isn't just for the bedroom, it also has an impact on all aspects of your life. What you will and won't put up with, how you communicate, the boundaries you set. Sexuality is a huge part of human nature and we shouldn't deny that or keep it as a 'taboo' subject that we feel awkward to discuss. 

Sexual confidence isn't just about feeling confident in your body. Believing that you are worthy of pleasure is a huge part of it. Online polls about how many women fake orgasms, or facts like the orgasm gap show us that not enough people are advocating for their own pleasure. Pleasure is your birthright and you should not be ashamed to be honest about it. I know from personal experience how hard this can be in the beginning to add to your thoughts, as a woman I have been somewhat conditioned to put a man's pleasure above my own in the past. However once I started to truly believe myself as worthy of pleasure I changed my standards of what was acceptable to me.

Which brings me to understanding and communicating your own desires. First of all you need to know what turns you on, masturbation is a great way to get to know yourself and what brings you the most pleasure. Then once you are in bed with a partner you know where and what is good for you, then you just need to communicate it. Easier said than done I know, but I feel this is one thing that gets easier the more you do it. Communication with a partner goes both ways, understanding and listening is important for each person and will only make the experience better for everyone.

Sexual confidence is also understanding, setting and accepting boundaries. Consent, as always, is sexy. Knowing that the setting of boundaries does not equal rejection is key here.

My relationship with sexual confidence is certainly ongoing, next week I will share some of the things that are helping me to build on what I have and hopefully #BeMoreBea...

Stay safe. Have fun. Issy x