Have you ever had a threesome? Or fantasised about one? According to a survey of over 4,000 individuals by Kinsey Institute sex researcher Dr Justin Lehmiller a threesome is the most common sexual fantasy among Americans. He found that 95% of men and 87% of women said that they had fantasised about sex with multiple partners. A second study in 2017 of 2000 people found that 18% of men and 10% of women admitted to taking part in a threesome.

Threesomes are of course a popular subject when it comes to porn. I think most people can get excited about the idea of two sexual partners trying to please you at the same time! Of course the reality of making a threesome work can be difficult. If you are in a relationship then adding a third person can bring up all sorts of feelings, some of which you might not even feel until the act is well underway. I myself have had two successful forays into threeways but never with anyone I was in a relationship with. For me this meant I could just enjoy the experience for what it was, and not worry about getting hurt. I do have friends in relationships who regularly bring a third person into their bedroom sessions with success, but I would say that they are unusual and in the minority when it comes to their relationship styles.

So if you want to make your threesome fantasy a reality, here are some tips that I have picked up from myself and friends to make sure that you stand the best chances of sexy success...

Get to know each other, make sure everyone is comfortable and excited.

Especially if two of the participants are in a relationship, you want to be sure that everyone is connecting and wanting to be a part of the experience. The last thing you want is a partner who feels guilted into something like this. A good idea is to hang out together or even go on a date before sleeping together. This way you can feel out how the three of you will get on in the bedroom before you are actually in the bedroom.

Discuss boundaries and stick to them.

As always, consent is sexy and communication is key. This also ties in with getting to know each other in advance.

Be prepared for things to get bumpy.

You never know quite how you'll feel until you are in the moment. A couple that I know had 3 successful threesomes and then the 4th time things just didn't go right. They knew to stop and their third partner was also experienced enough to not take it personally, so nobody got hurt. The lesson here is, as always, communicate and be honest.

Keep the focus on pleasure

Generally is everyone is focussed on each other's pleasure, then things are going to go well. The last thing you want is for one person to feel like they are being left out. If you communicate then you can avoid this, but it is definitely a pitfall of many threesomes. A friend of mine and her ex partner decided to experiment with a threesome and sadly my friend ended up feeling very left out, but didn't feel comfortable enough to say anything at the time. With planning and communication you can give yourselves the best chance of success.

Practice safe sex and also aftercare.

Be prepared that after your threesome that some unexpected feelings might pop up, especially if you are in a relationship. Keep on communicating and don't be scared to talk things through. Don't be ashamed if you feel some envy, a threesome is going to teach you about how you experience sexual jealousy. That can be a great thing for growth, or to show you what is too much for you personally.

Threesomes can be incredibly erotic, sexually gratifying and empowering. Two people I fancy focussed on me and only me? Yes please. Perhaps not with a long term partner though. Everyone has different boundaries and it's important to know yours and to stand by them. For now I am happy to indulge my threesome fantasies with some of the beautiful threesome erotica we have at JoyBear...

Stay safe. Have fun. Issy x